A New ME: Letting Go

The theme this week was "A New ME". I love the feel of having a clean slate each time a new year starts. I often choose a few resolutions, come up with new "schemes" (as my husband calls them), or choose a special word for the new year. This year I chose two words, "Let Go". There are many things I want to let go of in 2016.

My plan for the first self portrait was to write each of the things I want to let go of down on a balloon, and then take a photo of me releasing them. One night, I sat down to make a list. I came up with these 11...

1. Negativity

2. Fear of the Unknown

3. Worrying

4. Jealousy

5. The constant need to do more

6. Trying to change people

7. The need to be liked

8. Perfection

9. Excuses

10. Self criticism

11. Expectations

My husband came home and saw me making the list, and asked what I was doing, so I told him my idea and explained, "I'd like to think of one more, to make it an even number". He suggested "Control" and claims "Not that that means anything!" Truth is, I can be a bit of a control freak, so I agreed that was a good idea.

I had planned to ask my mom to help me on the day of the shoot. I was seeing her on Thursday for lunch and to go to the conservatory. But, the weather forecast was saying Thursday would be cloudy, and Wednesday morning I woke up to gorgeous clear blue skies, so I decided to attempt it myself. Note to self: When working with that many balloons, an assistant is necessary.

I bought 12 red balloons, manhandled them into the back seat and started driving to the park. I was sitting at a red light when a I heard what I thought was a gun shot and jumped and screamed! That 12th balloon? The one symbolizing "Control"? It POPPED. The irony is not lost on me.

When I got to the park, I needed to write the words on the balloons, so I grabbed a black marker, shoved the balloons over a bit, and got in the back seat on the left side. After writing the words, I tried to push the back seat door open, and it would not budge. I tried everything. I was trapped. "Huh", I muttered to myself. "Well, this is not good". I envisioned myself trying to explain to the AAA people who came to rescue me, why exactly I was trapped in the back seat of a car with 11 balloons. (My 9 year old laughed so hard when told about this, that he almost hyperventilated).

So I basically swam my way through the balloons to the front seat, one leg up in the air, the other stuck on the gear shift until I could get out the front seat and get on with the shoot. The next issue was that it was windy, and the balloons kept shifting, so the words wouldn't show up in the photo. I decided to do a double exposure, so that the words would show and this whole crazy plan of mine would make sense.

This is the new me, realizing I am very rarely truly in Control, but I am letting it go.