Week 39: ME & The Tutu Project (Member Photos)
Briar Marie - Part 1: Cancer took both of my Grandmas. It also took both of my Grandpas, though much later. It's now working on my husband's uncle. It always seems to be working on someone. I am the master of seeing the good that comes from bad situations. I consider it a super power the way I am able to see the challenges in life as unforeseen potential. This traffic is making me late? No, this traffic probably saved me from a horrible accident. Finding those possibilities puts life in perspective. It makes all of life beautiful. Except death. I am the equivalent of a tantrumming toddler. IT'S NOT FAIR!!! GIVE THEM BACK!!! I AM NOT DONE WITH THEM YET!!!! It does no good to cry and scream and feel bitter about all the memories that I can't share with my grandparents anymore, but I just can't seem to find another response. Maybe someday though. I'm still working on it.
Part 2: I despise making a spectacle of myself, but I was determined. I did an entire day in the life with my tutu on. I put it on first thing in the morning, wore it to drop off my kids at school, wore it to the zoo (ALL OVER the zoo), wore it in the cul de sac at home, wore it for the 1 mile walk to pick up my boys from school, wore it at the playground there, wore it on the 1 mile walk back home, wore it while we played basketball, while I made dinner, while I brushed their teeth, and while I read them their bedtime stories. And I set up my camera all along the way. I felt like a total goon. I WAS a spectacle. But I was determined and I did it. And I came away with some beautiful stories. I did try to avoid eye contact because I was so uncomfortable, but occasionally people would ask me about my tutu. One lady's face lit up when I mentioned breast cancer. She told me that her mother was a survivor and is now 94!!! She was clearly touched and cheered me on. A man asked me if I had just come from a show. (maybe the circus ) Another man asked me if I was a ballerina. Some people just told me I looked cute. Little girls everywhere stared. I really wished I had one of them to bring with me. I passed one little girl in a tutu and whispered that I liked her tutu and her whole face lit up. Kids at the playground asked me why I was wearing it. Then we had a really nice conversation about it. Another little girl asked me why I was wearing it and I told her it was because I was a princess and she scoffed and laughed and ran away!
Jen Ostler - If you're an alaskan, you have to own a pair of Xtratuff boots. It's required. Also part of my outfit: my lucky fishing hat, and my lucky fishing necklace. Every girl needs one.
Lynette Davis -
“Surrounded by Your Glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine . . .” ( I Can Only Imagine - Mercy Me)
A Letter to my Mom - Queen Esther Blake Clark Breast Cancer Surviver of 2 Battles. War lost January 1, 2006.
Hiya Queenie B. I bet this is still one of your favorite songs. I go back and forth in my head, which one you did first. I believe you started a dance and all of the angels joined in. The thought makes me smile. I know it’s been a long time, but this is a short note. I am behind on another deadline. Yep, I can see you shaking your head. Well, that’s one “like mother, like daughter” habit I can’t shake.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost 11 years since I heard your voice. Maybe this year, I will pull out Wonder Kid’s baby videos and listen. Or maybe, I will just hold on to the memory. Funny how I can’t hear the sound of your voice, but I see your face every morning I look in the mirror. I have my laugh lines or memory lines as you use to say. I promise they are telling the world that I laugh more than I cry. And I shout more than I whisper. I don’t cover them up with makeup or edit them out (well not always). I own them, because no one can see me and not see you.
It’s your favorite month. I remember after the first diagnosis/remission you threw yourself into Breast Cancer Awareness month. You walked, spoke, did prayer calls – even baked one time (heaven help the people who ate it –pun intended). All with the hope that someday there would be a cure. And even when it came back, so much worst than the first time, you fought harder and still worked your butt off that last October. This month is always hit or miss for me. This year, I think it’s going to be one of the better years. We will see.
I took a self-portrait today for a project. Every time I do I remember how few pictures I have of you. It was always about the kids and the grandkids. I wish I had picked up my camera sooner. I chose to use a cross I picked up in a flea market. It would have been a "just because" present for you. You loved "just because". As I got ready to edit it, your song popped in my head. I am guessing you started dancing right at that moment. I hope you’re dancing. I hope you know what I am trying to say. The hole in my heart - from the piece of it you took with you - is still there of course. I understand you needed it to comfort you on your journey. And I know I will get it back when we meet again - because you wont need it any more. I miss you Quennie B. All my love, your daughter.
Jessica McDonold - Me & this tutu.
Kortney Fox - This is not at all what I had planned for this week. It has rained every single day with not even a glimpse of the sun. So I decided if I can't beat the rain I might as well join it!
MacKenzie Gilliam - Me and cancer really don't like each other. I know nobody likes cancer. But I'm going to be honest and break down my fear. Almost all of my extended family on my moms side, has had cancer and most of them have died from it. The blue represents when my grandma had breast cancer, she beat it thankfully. The orange, is cervical cancer, same grandma. She beat it again.The maroon is Pancreatic cancer, she died 2 months after her diagnosis.The red represents Ovarian cancer, my aunt.The green represents lung cancer, my uncle.The pink represents melanoma, my other aunt. There is only 2 people left, my mom and my uncle. Then I feel like it will start working on the grandchildren. Nobody has been diagnosed yet thankfully. But I cant help but to think, when? what kind? how long will I have? what my kids will do and all the fear that lays in my heart day after day. I know the value of life, I have had a lot taken away from me.. and it's absolutely terrifying to think of anyone else possibly leaving.
Adriana Meixner - "Our wounds are our sources of growth." - Rachel Naomi Remen
Jenny Parker - My aunt lost her husband to pancreatic cancer 17 years ago. We were talking about him and how much life he has missed, his three young children growing up. I knew he was young when he died. I was just graduating college, but when she said it this time, "He was 42", it really shocked me, 42! That's just a few years older than me, that's my sister's age. His young children have grown up into adults. He missed so much of their lives, so much time with his wife, his family. Life just went on without him. Uncle Rick is much loved, still just 42 in all our minds and memories. He would have enjoyed the weather on this beautiful day. I hate cancer.
Jennifer L. Bruce - What better way to spend a Friday afternoon than cavorting around town in a tutu? I thought this old corrugated metal warehouse could use a little color. There was a lady going to her car in the parking lot next to this warehouse. She had a big smile on her face, so I said, "just a little fun on a Friday!" to which she replied, "I think it's great!" So do I, lady, so do I.
