Week 40: In MY Shoes
When my fiancé, Doug, died years ago, I went to his house, (the house that I stayed at on the weekends... the house that four days later would have also been mine). As I walked through each room, I was so struck by the fact that his things were still there, exactly as he had left them that day. There were so many stories there in those items left behind - stories of a good life, stories of laughter, stories of love. I wish I had taken a camera with me and taken a shot of each room to remind myself of the stories each item told.
The shot I took this week tells my story. The story you would know if you walked in my shoes. There are crumbs on the floor because I don't sweep as often as I should. There is the kitchen table, the table that we spend so much of our time at. The table where we eat. The table where we talk, laugh, fight, make up, and make plans. The table that much to my dismay, continues to be the dumping ground for everything! Things coming in, things going out, things that need done. I can't seem to find the solution for this problem. (If you have an idea, please let me know!) There is a pile of my son's school papers. There is the case for my son's retainer. There are the reading glasses that I used to tease my husband about using, and suddenly almost overnight find myself needing. There is the sign he made me to remind me to "Please spray the grass" daily where we have patches of grass growing in. There is a super sweet card that a coworker gave him on her last day at the company where he works. There is the spray that "we" (the term that seems to mean that neither of us really want to do it) need to use to scotch guard the two new couches that we bought months ago. There are shoes left by the sliding glass door to the backyard. There is the always present box of tissues. The weather is still nice, (in the low 70's), and my son and I both want to be outside, but his allergies are so bad that we are afraid to go out. We stand in a patch of sunlight instead, hugging, me breathing in the sweet smell of his shampoo, feeling sad and wishing I could help him. Wondering, constantly wondering lately if I'm doing the right thing. If you walked in my shoes, you would know that I worry a lot these days. You would know that these sandals are the only shoes I own that actually get compliments. You would know that finding shoes when your feet are 11 Narrow is ridiculously hard, and that I don't own a lot of shoes! Hopefully looking at this photo, you get a small glimpse of what my life is like, amidst all the chaos and clutter, and the story that shines through is one of a good life, full of laughter and love.